Greetings Cyberspace Traveler,

This past Saturday I went on an adventure of the most epic proportions! My daring companions where none other than two of my roommates, Derek and Jack. Our mission was to conquer purgatory chasm. Some might say our fellowship is comparable to the Lewis and Clark Expedition. They would be right. It was Derek who played the invaluable role of Sacajawea as he was more familiar with the land from having traveled here before with his mother. Jack, anthropology major, and I, English major, were content to observe and absorb as much of the experience as we could. So, after a hefty lunch at Kimball dining hall we set out on our trek.

As we entered the rocky chasm our esteemed guide, Derek, made sure to point out how much the path looked like Assassin’s Creed. It seemed that the park’s rocks must have been situated in such a way to replicate the video game. Or was it the other way around? The vibrant green and yellow colors of nature were something I had previously thought only existed through the fluorescent computer screen or television. Who knew what the world had to offer beyond the confines of a dorm room?

The color! It’s almost like it’s real life!

As we delved into the frontier of new undiscovered land we were surprised to find people already there. continued we ran into many of the land’s peoples. They were equipped with the traditional visor or bucket hat head dress and their skin was painted white with ceremonial sun screen. They were all very hospitable. One portly man even offered to hold my hand as I lowered myself from a treacherous three foot step but my pride forced me to decline the offer (even at the risk of offense). Another encounter with the inhabitants was at Fat Man’s Demise. The rock is aptly named for the narrow crevice travelers can shimmy through to verify that they are indeed not fat. Naturally, we had to stop to test our courage and girth. We entered the crack fearlessly but after my one innocent mention of the movie 127 Hours we quickly found ourselves desperate to shuffle our way out as quickly as possible. While escaping the brown crack we heard an unexpected voice from above, “Greetings travelers, May I propose a challenge if you are daring enough?!”

“And what may that be, Good Sir?” Derek responded in their native tongue.

“Climb up and out rather than through. Why, I did so earlier today. It was quite rewarding. Yes, quite.” The man sat on the upper ledge of the crevice and dangled his scraped knees in the light gleaming through. Much to his and only his surprise we all declined his overzealous challenge.

Yea yea I know…snap chat right?

As we finally emerged from the other side we could finally see the source of the voice. The man wore a finely hand crafted tank top made by precisely ripping the sleeves off a t-shirt. No doubt he wanted to display the impressive patches of hair on his triceps that were more plentiful there than on the top of his head but not yet as thick as his goatee. We climbed up and around to the top of the crevice just in time to see the man lower himself back down by wedging his torso between the walls. We never saw him again; hopefully he is not lost deep within the Fat Man’s brown crack.

TO BE CONTINUED…